How to Make this the Summer-to-Connect

Make This the Summer-to-ConnectRemember the “Summer of Love”? You can make this the summer-to-connect to your kids in a more peaceful, heart-opening way -- connecting and growing more LOVE!Along with welcoming my child’s freedom to play more and do less homework, comes my own hope of getting on track with chores. Certainly with a more open schedule we can get chores done happily without whining, bargaining or consequences, right?!Last Saturday morning I was fully living into this idyllic scene. My son and I were happily sweeping, dusting and laundering. Alas, it all came crashing down with a child at the door inviting my son to play.We’d made an agreement to get chores done before making plans to play. Suddenly, I was oh-so-clearly invested in sticking to that agreement but at the same time, dreading the uphill battle of enforcing it. When my son asked if he could play, I reminded him of our finish-the-chores commitment. His face fell.“This is so unfair!” “It’s going to take forever!” Meanwhile, my own frustration was brewing. I’ve been working on this, so I started to take some deep breaths, reminding myself to RESPOND rather than REACT. Inside, though, the old thoughts were screaming.“Seriously?” “This will only take 20 minutes – tops!”And the old standard: “Why do I always have to do EVERYTHING around here?!”Breathing helps me begin to acknowledge my own frustration. I remind myself to help him express what he’s feeling right now. I KNOW that only then can we move forward (and it’s so easy to forget that part). I KNOW that the time spent NOW will save more time in the long run.So I settle in, even though I want to raise my voice, scream my demands, and come down hard on him.Instead, I gently reflect his feelings back to him.“I hear that you feel like it will take forever.” “It sounds like you just want to go play.” “It’s going to take forever!” “It’s not fair!”I let him know I heard him.“I get that this feels really hard for you right now.”Somehow he’s able to tell me even more.“It’s too hard. Everyone else is already playing. No one else has to do chores.” As we continue to explore his feelings, the approaching emotional storm loses its force and reason returns to BOTH of our brains.When the charge feels gone, I suggest that even though it feels tough to do the chores before play, we can probably get most of them done quickly and save a few for later. I suggest we do 20 minutes now and ask him for his ideas on how to get them done so he can play.“Let’s do 20 minutes now and 20 minutes after lunch.”I agree.We choose three chores for now. Twenty minutes later, the tables are clean, laundry is sorted, and recycling is at the curb.We’re not quite done.BUTWe are BOTH still smiling.No worries, the rest will easily be finished after lunch.I ask him how he is feeling now.“It wasn’t as hard as I thought!”Sure, it felt like a lot of processing time. But we spent LESS TIME working through that impending emotional storm than we would have going down the other road - him angry, me barking.We made it happen – without bribes or consequences; without raised voices (OR blood pressure!) I smile as he heads out to play.EMPATHY has proved the path of least resistance once again. I reach for my coffee and feel a sense of completion and gratitude for connecting with his heart – rather than recovering from yet another melt down. What a relief!ARE YOU READY to make this the Summer-to-Connect?Janet Allison and Carole Downing teach Boys Alive! + Parenting with Heart, in Portland, OR. SEE Dates HERE. Both Janet and Carole are available to Coach you to more confidence and calm in your parenting.In Parenting with Heart, you will discover:

What's beneath his whining and outbursts
How to respond (instead of react) to his whining and outbursts
How to keep your own peace of mind intact

MORE HERE

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