Father's Day
The Powerful 10%
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How do you get along with your father?When Steve Biddulph, author of The Secret Lives of Men, asks this question in parenting seminars, men's responses were similar, whether they were from China, Colorado, or New Zealand:30% (or so): Barely speak.30% (or so): Prickly. Easily hurt with wounding comments and awkward exchanges.30% (or so): Looks good - from the outside. Surface involvement but not much intimacy.10% (or so): He’s the best!What are you doing now so that your son will be among the rare 10% when he is asked this question?I absolutely encourage you to seek resolution with your own father - whether he’s been present or absent in your life. (More about that another time.)This month, with Hallmark images of ties, cars, and fishing with dad flooding every store, make this month the moment YOU take a stand.Take a stand for the generations that will come after you, so they can answer that question with, “He’s the best!”This Father’s Day, Take A Stand For:
Protecting partner and children by being an involved father - positive, loving, and firm
Valuing the wisdom of your elders and passing it on to your children
Relating with partner and children with emotional honesty
Providing for partner and children to the best of your ability
In 99% of our human history, elders - fathers and sons - hunted together, passing down age-old, hard-won wisdom which ensured the survival of the tribe. In our 1% of NOW, many boys and men suffer from the lack of guidance, mentoring, bonding, hardship, challenges, and connection. They yearn to have this deep, hard-wired connection and supply it in less-than-productive ways when they join together to form gangs or other groups. Often these are peer-directed and lack the wisdom teachings that they so deeply crave.Take a stand for fostering and recognizing ways that men and boys can regain their feelings of being whole - down to their core.One deeply male trait that has run into trouble (especially with moms) is the desire to play with guns - be they real, made to look real, toast, sticks, or fingers. Find out what this is all about - including what parents are saying about how they deal with it.This month's blog posts feature:Your Voices on Gun Play, "It's our nature, Mom." Parents speak out about their son’s gun play, reassuring and offering their seasoned perspectives.Guidelines for Gun Play Set healthy limits for gun play so you won’t have to ban it completely – which, according to one dad, made him feel like a bad kid when his parents banned it and he played at a friend’s house instead.Aggression. Violence. What's the Difference? Imaginative play, whether with guns or not, helps boys understand and process their world. When does it cross the line?With More to Come:Gun Play at School - What's a Teacher to Do? Gun play at home is a family choice. How to manage gun play at school and channel it in a developmentally healthy way.My Family Hunts. A Montana family shares the family values instilled with “true hunting.” How can you incorporate true hunting into your son’s gun play?Father's Day can be filled with joy and fun with your own son but may harbor so sorrow because of less than joy-filled relationship dynamics with your own father. Now, is the time to make the change(s) that will transform generations to come.
“You aren’t raising a little boy, you’re raising a man. And the world needs you to do that well.”
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