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“Why won’t my son talk to me anymore?”

3 ways to get him to talk to you …and hear you!
Him may be your son, your husband, your partner, your father, your brother…

–Many moms tell me the ONE THING they’d like to change the most is that they wouldn’t have to repeat themselves “a thousand times” with their sons.

–Many teachers tell me that things would be so different in their classroom if boys “would just listen.”

–Many wives tell me they wish their husbands would respond to them, so they could know they had been heard!

Rather than taking this epidemic of “non-talking & non-listening” personally, you can change your expectations and approach a bit and you’ll soon realize that he IS listening, that he DOES want to engage with you – it just needs to be ‘framed’ a little bit differently.

Here are 3 ways to FINALLY get him to talk AND listen to you:

1. Fewer Words
Females tend to process while talking – feeling what happened, recalling the words attached to the feelings, and planning what to do about it – all as we are talking to our sons and other males.
Males have fewer places in their brains to process language, which means all of your words can be overwhelming!
Try using fewer words, asking one question and waiting for an answer, and leaving out some of the less-than-necessary details of your story.

2. More Time
With fewer places to process your words, he may need more time to process your words and formulate a response. For some males, this could be as long as sixty seconds – that is an entire minute! When is the last time you’ve waited that long for a response to your question or comment? Try it – you may find the conversation actually continues longer and is more satisfying for both of you.

3. Choose Your Moment
Bombarding your son the minute he gets in the car after school with the classic question, “How was school today?” may provoke a meltdown or stony silence. Boys are more visual than verbal and yet most schools are more verbal than visual, so by the end of the day he is tired, overwhelmed, and stressed out. Let him have some quiet time (and a protein snack) before you begin the questioning…and ask only ONE question at a time!

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